Spanking Anyone?

So a friend of mine at work sends me this site she stumbled upon called Christian Domestic Discipline. And well… I’m… I don’t know what I am to be honest.

According to the site the followers of domestic discipline have the dominant partner (typically the male) actually discipline their spouse (typically the female) by spanking and other means. Grounding and computer restriction were also given as possible means of punishment.

I cannot get over this idea. I mean sure, I like to spank a woman I’m intimate with in a fun and playful way as much as the next person. But to actually discipline a full grown woman by spanking her as though she’d gotten bad grades at school? I’m having trouble with that one.

I just cannot picture bending a woman over my knee to spank her without her having a school girl outfit on and calling me professor as she twirls one of her pigtails and chews gum. Outside of that construct I would just feel silly and foolish.

To be fair, the site does not press itself on anyone, it clearly states that it is not a lifestyle for all. They even go so far as to encourage homosexuals to see if they’d like the idea. And let's not forget that the women have also willingly put themselves in this position.

But perhaps most intriguing is that some of the women on the site say that their relationships are better for it because now their husbands have a way of communicating with them. As the male takes on a disciplinarian role (very "manly") it allows him an outlet to discuss with his wife her shortcomings as he sees them in their relationship.

Since some of the males in these relationships can’t seem to communicate properly with their wives the woman is willing to completely degrade herself and lower her stature in the household. I have to imagine that by the wife proclaiming the husband as the disciplinary head of household then her input is less than equal.

What I don't understand is why these men can't just talk to their wives. Or at the least why can’t they just go to counseling and learn how to effectively talk to one another instead of initiating an age old idea that somehow men have authority over women? Instead of truly being a man and learning how to talk to their spouse they will continue to put up a show of man’s toughness. That way the men don’t have to acknowledge emotions or feelings. They don’t have to face their insecurities as they pertain to the relationship. They don’t have to do the real work of trying to make a harmonious union with this other person. Instead they simply make themselves "above" their wives and treat them as subordinates.

Weak, very weak in my opinion. I do not like people like this. The type of people that do this seem to be the tough kind, and I freely admit this is speculation, I honestly don’t know anyone who follows this lifestyle to my knowledge and I may be well off. But the following remains true regardless: what is so often thought of as “tough” is more often than not weak.

It’s the rule of opposites in human characteristics. If a person acts openly tough, bet your bottom dollar that when the heat is on they’re as weak as a mouse. If a person acts conceited and arrogant, I can personally acknowledge that it’s rooted in deep insecurities about themselves. This is simply what I’ve seen in life. People tend to be the opposite of that which they show to the world. It starts as a simple way to compensate for a flaw, but it ends up being an overcompensation that little good can come of.

Bottling up emotions, thinking that one’s problems are their own and not to be shared with others, facing the hardships of life alone and shutting all others out… these are not tough to do. All you have to do keep your mouth shut and deny everything when anyone asks. Anyone can do that. It is weakness, not strength that allows people to keep quiet. It is simply the fact that these types of individuals struggle to face their own shortcomings. Which is merely to say that they're human like the rest of us.

They know they have shortcomings, though they’re often hard pressed to give an example. The only way to work thru problems as such is to talk thru them, and you can rest assured if a person’s attitude is that they keep their problems quiet to others then they don’t spend a lot of effort thinking about them. To ignore problems is the easiest way to be tough.

That’s what 90% of our consumerism is about, creating distractions so that we don’t have to focus on ourselves.

To talk to someone about your shortcomings, just to be able to say them to another person is a tremendous feat. It takes true toughness to do that because once you do, it makes it real and true. No longer is it a secret kept in the vaults of the mind but thrust forth into reality. Men particularly have a hard time dealing with this. We like to be the superman to our counterpart's Lois Lane. Men do the dirty jobs, the hard work, and our reward is the love and adoration of the woman we cherish most. It's often hard for men to acknowledge that we are human, it's as if most men are afraid that they'll let down the one we care about the most.

Ever been told that a friend or family member had died and you took it surprisingly well? Not shedding a tear or having your voice break? What happened the first time you tried to pass the information on? Did your throat close? Eyes well with tears? That happens because it’s not truly real until you have to say it to another person.

Saying something aloud is a key in our society, it denotes that something is important enough to be spread to other people. A fact ceases to be private once it is shared with another. It gives that fact power, tangibility, and meaning.

Too often people can’t do this, they’re just too damned “tough” to let go and be human. And when that happens the people around them, the people that love them are often forced to do things they don’t want to and shouldn’t have to just to be around this "tough" person.

People must stop with this, your real friends will love you regardless of what insecurities you may spring on them. Matter of fact, your real friends probably know more than you do about your insecurities. Just talk to those you love, figure out what bothers you and then both of you can decide what to do about it. But don’t hide behind an imaginary wall of toughness.

Maybe I’m overstepping my bounds with these people, maybe I’m making too much out of it. But it’s what came out when I started writing, and I stand by it whether others do or not, and at least I had the courage to say it.